Peaceful Days

I just love Christmas vacation ~ it stretches almost as endlessly as summer vacation. I don't know who was more excited this year, me or my two boys. We have been doing the minimum so far (only on day 2), and spending more time in our pjs than dressed. Our meal times are more relaxed, not at a specific hour, and overall we are nestled into our home for the holiday.

After we got back from doing the last bit of errands today, my oldest happily informed me "We can stay in pajamas until we go visit Nana and Grandpa tomorrow!" One of our traditions is going to my in-law's house for Christmas Eve dinner and gifts.

Until then, the world is within these walls. I am enjoying searching and reading blogs online, getting ideas for projects and recycling.

I am very pleased to report I did not charge presents this year, and in fact will have no credit card bill going into January. With the financial cliff looming (and my salary being very minimal), I am thankful the debt I do have (mortgage) is not cumbersome right now. I add the proviso right now, because circumstances usually fluctuate.

This season, I am considering what we have to be thankful for: family to love us, a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and heat and light. Every day we can wake up in a land of freedom,  with the future stretching before us, full of possibilities.

December Musing

I read an interesting quote "If you don't ask for what you want you won't get it." I would change this to reflect my view "Know what you want and don't be afraid to achieve it." What I desire is peace and happiness and harmony. I have worked hard to get to where I am right now. This past year, I have readjusted many things in my life. My new normal, health wise, is much changed from last year. I am ok with that, I am learning to take it slow and elect for quality over quantity in exercise.

I have revamped my to do lists. My routine is to write a list the night before of what absolutely needs to get done for the next day. Most times, there are a couple of priorities with a few "it would be nice to get these crossed off the list." I don't stress about getting everything done; what doesn't get done gets moved to the next day's list. I am taking time to just be and play with my boys and talk with them. If I don't vacuum for a bit, meh, that will always be waiting.

I am making more time to just sit and dream. I've realized I stopped doing a lot of that.

I am making time to just enjoy, moment to moment, each crystalline facet of my day. From the time I wake up to the time I rest my head, there are glittering seconds to be treasured.

For that, I am most thankful.

Holiday Thankfulness

With chagrin I am realizing I haven't been keeping up on here. My days have been consumed with busy school schedules, working, doctors appointments (my oldest goes to an orthodontist now),getting ready for the holiday season. We have been baking, wrapping, and decorating.

I am most thankful this year for being home, for enjoying each moment. Even the everyday is a cause for rejoicing: I am content with the chores and bustle of upkeep in the house. The ritual of washing dishes, the routine of dusting and vacuuming. Honestly, there is nowhere else I'd rather be. And the boys round it all out.

This season, I am in a happy contented place within  myself.

Summer

What a magical time of year, when the days stretch endlessly before us, with nothing more to do than whatever you choose to do. That is how I remember summer from when I was a little girl; now that I have two boys in school and summers off, that feeling is back. I enjoy waking and stretching and thinking happily about all the possibilities of the day ahead. The pace is slower, the days seem longer, and I feel I could accomplish anything, like a super hero. I'm definitely channeling my inner child more these days.
Why is this feeling mostly reserved for summer? It's true, the pace is accelerated the rest of the year, but why do we feel the need to accelerate inside too? Sometimes the best things can happen if you slow down and just be, and listen. And who says we can't make miraculous things happen? One of my favorite sayings (I have many) is "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"

Baby Steps

Yesterday, I washed the car, and then I was all set to do a decent amount of yard work. I got out the rake, the wheelbarrow, the gardening tote that is a seat as well. Only, I lost my head of steam. I did a little weeding, raked a little, picked up some branches. The wheelbarrow was filled once. My oldest pushed it up to where we dump clippings, and that was it. With the energy I had left I climbed a tree with him and sat and enjoyed the warmth.

I am realizing I still need to go slowly. My energy doesn't last as long as it will once I am over this infection. Most days I am ready for a nap in the afternoon.

The good news is, that I could do more than I was able to do last month. I have to remember, if I take baby steps, I can do a little bit. I can't run a marathon, but I can climb a tree.

April Musings

Another set-back with my bronchiectasis left me feeling frustrated and powerless. Am I doomed to forever have this cycle of junky lungs, go on the antibiotic, get better, rinse and repeat? Short term: yes, and long term yes, with this caveat: it is manageable. In my despair and "poor me" party (which lasted for maybe a couple of hours, I AM getting better at letting go), I did some research and found a great site, bronchiectasisrus.com. What wonderful information there ~ and the things I am going through are not out of the norm. In fact, a lot of posters had even worse problems than I!

So, armed with new information, I spearheaded my care for this incident. Doctors appointments, medications, xrays. At the end of the day, I was pleased and so thankful to NOT be in the hospital. I think what I need to remember is, there is a new normal with my lung issue. Once I get used to it, it will be business as usual. I am even able to do a few miles on the bike each day ~ not like I can when at 100%, but I'm getting there.

As long as my new normal can accommodate my priorities, which are my two boys, then I am good. I am better than good. Everything else is secondary. 

What Kind of Company Are You Keeping?

Perhaps it is the promise of Spring in the air, but this time of year lends itself to a fresh start, a clean slate if you will. I have been reading about minimalism and become inspired to pare down. I have way too much stuff. Seriously. I thought downsizing from an over 2,000 square foot house to a little over 1,500 square foot house meant I had accomplished much. Indeed, many items were recycled, gifted, or just tossed away. But oh there is so much more to go!! 

Minimalism is also good to apply to all aspects of your life; maybe simplification would be a better word to use. I have re-evaluated a lot of relationships. Do I honestly want to spend my time with negative people? You know the type, after you have been with them you feel like you're in a fog and sad and small inside. Or do I want to spend my time with positive people, so we are feeding off of each other's energy? And we know this type too ~ after you've been with them you feel energized and ready to take on the world.

The abundance of life can be found in the richness of our relationships, the clarity of a chickadee's song in the morning, the wonder in a child's eyes at Christmastime. None of these riches can be bought and set on a shelf. I want to make sure I have enough room, enough space, to welcome these experiences into my life.

An Extra Day

Today is February 29th, a bonus day in the year. It got me thinking: what would I do to make this day special? And then I broadened the thought: if all of us got a bonus day (and we do, every four years), how would we spend it? Going from one thing to another, mindlessly? Or would we live in each moment, enjoying life and all its quirks? And if we chose the latter, why can't we do that each day?

So, today I am going to live in the moment. Sure, I have commitments that are unavoidable, but there are opportunities for peace and contentment everywhere. Eventually, with that mindset, maybe I will be able to look at each day as a bonus day.

The Beginning

This is entirely foreign to me ~ I find myself creeping into the "new" technology at a snail's pace. Writing has always meant pen and paper, not the free form flow of a keyboard. I have been toying with the idea of a blog for a long time; after all, I've been writing since I was a little girl. I went to college for english and being a writer was a dream of mine for the longest time. Then life and grown up stuff and kids happened, and it got pushed further back. Still there, but not immediate.

I decided to take the plunge after I was hospitalized for pneumonia complications due to my bronchiectasis. I was coughing up blood and terrified of what might happen. After being told that 50-90% of individuals with bronchiectasis cough up blood, I realized I did not know nearly enough about this condition (which is classified under COPD on some sites). I am hopeful after I learn how to navigate a blog and post links that I can get information here that might help someone.

Lying there in the hospital, under the watchful eye of some wonderful nurses, I realized a few things.

Health and family (and friends) are the most important aspects of life. Without your health, life is narrowed. Without family it is narrowed even more. My parents, my boys, even my ex were there every day. It was humbling to realize just how much I had taken my health and family for granted. Each day is a gift, and I had been bogged down in the static of not important. My mind had continually leapt forward to each next thing on my to-do list, rather than appreciating each moment for its own worth.

I have a pretty fantastic family and extended family that stepped in and made sure my two boys were taken care of ~ homework, school schedules, etc. I felt guilty, but got over that when I realized that is just what family does. I would do the same for them, were the situation reversed.

So I guess I have just finished my first entry ~ and although it is rambling I do feel a sense of accomplishment. I am still in recovery, still unable to do a lot, but oh so thankful that I was "only" diagnosed with pneumonia. I am lucky, I was able to come home. I am able to hug my beautiful boys each day, and breathe.