Update

The time has flown again, what started as a blog of thankfulness and enough has somehow changed to gardening, and now to thankfulness and recovery. So goes life, changing from each day to the next.

This past June, after a long battle, the father of my sons died from cancer. The words look so stark, so blank, not hinting at the fullness or the life encapsulated in those words. It was a time rife with sentiments spoken, forgiveness, and regret. Regret for what was being lost, forgiveness for that which was not spoken (transgressions, the road not taken). Love is such a hard thing. On the surface it seems simple: to love someone, simply care for them. Ah, but everyone has a different definition of love. For some, it involves gifts; for others, freedom.

My boys are slogging along, through the minefield of holidays and firsts without their father. I am slogging along, through the minefield of being, quite literally,a single parent. And so it goes.

Holiday Reflections

How fast the time has gone since I last wrote! Our garden is in hibernation; after a semi-bountiful harvest, I have dried and labelled seeds for next year's efforts. The tomato plants did not fare as well as expected, and the squash suffered a similar fate. The cukes were the most plentiful, and we did manage to get one mini watermelon. The pepper plants, despite being nursed along in the winter months, all expired.

And so it goes, the good and the bad in gardening so often can mirror how life progresses. Some friendships flourish, some wither on the vine, some need a little extra fertilizer, some become infested and die (and we realize there can never be a place in the garden for this strain of plant). Through the planting, through the caretaking, through the harvesting, life moves along. Time doesn't stop.

A new school year has started, and almost in the blink of an eye we are poised for Christmas break (a glorious two weeks this year). My boys seem to have shot up overnight; oldest son is just about my height now, and youngest grew three inches in the last year. It seems like forever ago they were newborns, then toddlers. My life still revolves around them, but in a different way.

I am thankful for the ebb and flow of each day, of each season, and happy and content with our corner of the world. We have a cozy home,  and enough.

Full Swing

Summertime has taken us by storm here. Literally, as we had a week of rain the start of vacation. It was lovely for the garden ~ new cucumbers are thriving, as are the cactus (cactii??), tomato plants, pumpkin seedlings, and watermelon seedlings.

I spent an hour and a half weeding this morning before the sun climbed and the heat arrived. I put stakes in for the tomato plants and cages too; there are blossoms and small fruit on the plants. I am hopeful to start harvesting later this month.

During the rainy week, we painted the kitchen cabinets. We took all the doors off and drawers out, and sanded everything down. It took three coats of paint but boy it looks super! My dad helped with everything and also painted the ceiling. It looks like a brand new kitchen, bright and airy. And easy fix and more frugal than replacing the cabinets with new ones. The biggest cost was the time.

Garden Update

We have the garden in, and sadly a lot of my seedlings did not take kindly to the location change. There are a few peppers left (of the twenty I planted), there are a handful of cucumbers. The squash were the first casualties, but the rosemary and tomato plants are flourishing. After a brief struggle with the cilantro turning brown and wilting, new shoots have grown and I used some in my omelet yesterday morning. After last year's demise outside, I kept the cilantro inside.

My oldest planted pumpkins and watermelons, and my youngest kept it easy with the cactii (see previous post for correct term, haha). I was gifted a straggly tomato plant, which I am hoping to baby along. My dad gave me some more cucumber seeds, which I noticed were starting to peep their heads up yesterday. So, the garden will hopefully do well after the initial set back; only time will tell.

Speaking of time, our school year is a lot longer this year (due to the blizzard, nemo storm, and another tropical storm). Today would have been the last day of school; instead it is next Wednesday. The boys are more than ready for summer, as am I. I am very fortunate, since I work part time in a school cafeteria, that I am able to enjoy vacations with my kiddos.

There are parts of me sometimes that thinks I should have a better paying job, or a career, but then that would sacrifice my time with the boys. Sure I could make more money, but what is more important now, my time with them or money? Time is something I can never get back. And I'd much prefer to spend it with them rather than working. Going to the beach, working in our yard, or just having a pajama day are priceless ~ and really, I enjoy being with my boys more than (MUCH more than) working.

Spring

Despite the late start, spring has finally arrived ~ I mowed the lawn for the first time on May Day. I think that is the earliest I've ever mowed! The seedlings I planted in the dead of winter are flourishing. I started squash, peppers, cucumbers. I purchased two tomato plants and a rosemary and cilantro as well. All are loving the warmth of our dining room. I even transplanted the spider plant to a roomier pot so it can stretch its legs.

The last full moon of May is the 25th, I believe (the flower moon, as the Native Americans call it). After that, the boys and I will be able to plant our garden. We are expanding it 200% this year, and all three of us will have our own section. My eldest plans to grow pumpkins and strawberries, my youngest is convinced we can start our own cactus stand and sell cactii (the proper term for the plural of cactus, according to my expert). My section will be decidedly the food eating section. =) I'm hoping if there is a plethora, I might try my hand at canning this year ~ more on that if it comes to fruition.

The down side of the springtime has been funds have been limited. I hesitate to disclose too much (this is public after all); suffice it to say I have been paring down even more, selling what I can to make up the difference. The good news is that I have a few extra hours in this week's paycheck, and with a bit of ingenuity I am able to cover the bills this month. Next month we will see how it goes. Other than my worrying (which I really need to stop), nothing has changed yet. I just need to trust that things will work out, however they are meant to, and I will be fine. I have the boys, the sun is shining, and right now is good.

Blizzard 2013

I find myself in the amazing position of no commitments for the weekend. School was closed today, the boys are with their Dad for the weekend, and here I sit in my pajamas. During the day I alternately read, caught up on laundry, balanced the check book, allocated savings and retirement money, paid bills, and relaxed. I dozed. I tried to watch television, then quickly realized I didn't need the continuous storm coverage. It's going to snow, then snow some more. There will be wind. I don't need someone else to tell me what I can see with my own eyes out the window.

So often I fill my time with the useless outlet of television. I'm trying to be cognizant of this, and work to correct it. I don't need to get bombarded with advertising for superfluous items to magically make my life better. Instead of advertisements advocating for satisfaction with what one has, they advocate dissatisfaction, a dearth, selling us on a "lacking" mentality.

With the new year, I am trying to take a "plenty" attitude. I have enough. What I want is not something that can be purchased, or remedied with a luxury item.

What I want is what I have: two boys, a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, warmth in our hearts. And another day to just breathe.

Reminders

I find myself in almost the same boat health wise as I was last year at this time: sick. I have been doing nothing in an effort to try and get better. And also because I just have no energy, for much of anything. 

What does seem to have energy is my brain ~ although that could be fueled by the prednisone I'm taking, which speeds up everything for me. Nevertheless, I have been actively ruminating on many things, hence the "reminders" title of this post.

I keep forgetting how much I truly take for granted the little things, like climbing up the stairs with the laundry. Or puttering around the house, or being as mobile as I want to be.

It is daunting to ask for help, and my parents have been especially helpful this latest go-round. Shuttling the boys to and from the bus stop, getting my groceries in for me.

I think maybe my title should have been "thankfulness" instead; as I was thinking I realized how fortunate and blessed I am. I have a warm, cozy home to rest in. I have family and friends that love me and help me. I have two spirited, amazing boys that make everything fun.

Honestly, a bout of pneumonia every year I could really do without ~ but I am thankful for the time to rest, the time to reflect, and the time to just be.